We just paid a Shinto priest $350 dollars and he beat us with some leaves. But apparently it wasn’t some S&M cult thing. It was actually a religious ceremony to bless our house, I was told. Then we handed over the cash. The background music was provided by The Carpenters! Making the construction noises next door and The Byrd’s! Some starlings fighting for high wire territory overhead. Now, nothing bad will ever happen. We have the guaranty in wood block print!